- Q: What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?
A: Crisp Pringles.
- What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time?
A Holly Davidson.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.
- What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
- Works 1 day a year,
Spends the rest of the year judging others!
- Sean: Knock, knock.
Fawn: Who’s there?
Fawn: Murray who?
Sean: Murray Christmas, one and all!
- Casen: What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?
Austin: I’m stumped.
Casen: “Santa Jaws!
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house!
- Q: A snowman loses weight in what way?
A: He waits for the weather to get warmer!
- Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit
- Dearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes
- When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.
- The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
- Luke: What do elves do after school?
Jeffrey: I don’t know. What?
Luke: Their gnome work!
- Reindeer Joke
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
- Christmas is just around the corner. It’s just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns.
- Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run.
- Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
- Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast ?
- Q. What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
A. I’m going out tonight !