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Funny Christmas Jokes

santas funny jokes 2013

  • Q: What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?

    A: Crisp Pringles.

  • What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time?
    A Holly Davidson.
  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.
  • What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
  • Works 1 day a year,
    Spends the rest of the year judging others!
  • Sean: Knock, knock.
    Fawn: Who’s there?
    Sean: Murray.
    Fawn: Murray who?
    Sean: Murray Christmas, one and all!
  • Casen: What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?
    Austin: I’m stumped.
    Casen: “Santa Jaws!
  • How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
    Nothing. It was on the house!
  • Q: A snowman loses weight in what way?
    A: He waits for the weather to get warmer!
  • Why is Christmas just like your job?
    You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit
  • Dearest John:                                                                                                                         Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I’m just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.                                                                                                                                   All my love, Agnes
  • When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can’t sleep through the racket. Please stop.
  • The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn’t argue and neither could I, so I watched TV and my wife, she just cried.
  • Luke: What do elves do after school?
    Jeffrey: I don’t know. What?
    Luke: Their gnome work!
  • Reindeer Joke
    What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
    This will sleigh you.
  • Christmas is just around the corner. It’s just under two weeks away, and today Santa released 10 years of tax returns.
  • Well I ran outside to look and the sight made me shudder, a freezer full of venison standing right on Red’s gutter. Well my hands were a shakin’ as I grabbed my gun, when outta Red’s chimney this feller did run.
  • Why does Santa have three gardens?
    So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
  • Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast ?
    A. Snowflakes!
  • Q. What did the big candle say to the little candle ?
    A. I’m going out tonight !